Thursday, February 1, 2007

The Day Jim Morrison Came Into My Living Room

By Randall McWhorterdorder (Cosmic American Blog columnist)

I’ve always considered myself a moderate Doors fan, but that still doesn’t quite explain what happened a few months ago, when Jim Morrison just showed up in my living room one day.

I was playing some videogames when I heard a noise in the hallway. I turned to look, and there he was – leather pants, long hair, beer in hand – everything.

Jim Morrison?,” I called out. “Dude, I thought you were dead.”

Jim replied, “Just got into town about an hour ago, took a look around to see which way the wind blow.”

I was incredulous. “But Jim . . . is it really you?”

Come on, come on, come on, come on now touch me babe . . .”

I reached over and, sure enough, it was Jim. “Wow, Jim man, whatcha been up to?”

Woke up this morning and I got myself a beer.”

That’s cool, man, that’s cool.” I couldn’t think of what to say. “You wanna bite to eat or something?”

Before I sink into the big sleep, I want to hear the scream of the butterfly.”

Groovy, dude.” He then wandered over to the dresser, and he started staring at this photo of my ex. “That’s my ex-girlfriend man.”

Don’t you love her madly, wanna be her daddy.”

Tell me about it. You know, I was thinking of calling her again sometime. What do you think I should say?”

“ ‘Before you slip into unconsciousness, I’d like to have another kiss.’”

Good one man, that’s a good one.” Jim really had a way with words. “What else?”

“ ‘You know that it would be untrue, you know that I would be a liar.’”

Aw, right on.” He started leafing through some of my Maxim’s. “You want a few copies? I got extras.”

Cancel my subscription to the Resurrection. Send my credentials to the House of Detention.”

It’s all good, Jim, it’s all good.” I was actually getting pretty hungry, so I told Jim I was gonna go out and get some pizza.

Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel.”

Thanks man. Any other advice?”

There’s a killer on the road. His brain is squirming like a toad.”

Gotcha.” I was gonna ask if he wanted to come along, but he started to head for the back door. “Heading out Jim?”

I’m a back door man.”

Where you goin’?”

Show me the way to the next whiskey bar.”

I’ll show you later man, I gotta get some grub you know.”

Meet me at the back of the blue bus!”

Another time man. It’s been good hangin’ out.”

We chased our pleasures here, dug our treasures there.”

Yeah man, I really gotta go.”

He waved goodbye, and just like that, he was gone.

The pizza was awesome.

6 comments:

yoggoth said...

Not to burst your bubble, but on the off chance that anyone ever reads this blog you may not want to quote entire articles like that. I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

Little Earl said...

I wrote this.

yoggoth said...

Oh, right, Eric.

Little Earl said...

It was for the Sneeze but we never published it. Thought I might as well throw in some stuff that's been sitting around.

Go try to find something by "Eric McAllister." I had to make up a name because it's not funny if I put my own name there; everyone knows I'm not a stoner guy, it wouldn't work.

Little Earl said...

Maybe I should change the name to something deliberately made-up, so as not to create confusion...

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