Saturday, November 17, 2007

The Almighty Cleanse

So I was watching an interesting biography of John Cleese. He was talking about how funny authority figures are because you can often tell that they are acting out of some unresolved issue from their childhood and how funny most of our problems are once you become attuned to the essential silliness of life. It was really adding to my respect for the guy, and then the Cleese gave way to...The Almighty Cleanse.

Before I could change the channel I witnessed a 50-something man in a suit describing the bowel movements of average Americans in detail. Two infomercial hosts questioned the man about the benefits of a cleanse. Then he started talking about a black, oily layer that prevented nutrient uptake. All medical problems could be traced to the colon. He explained that the body's sewer has become a cesspool. And here I was thinking those were the same thing.

After about 30 euphemisms for crap had been exhausted in the first 3 minutes I decided it was time to change the channel. It's the kind of the product that makes you hesitate for a moment and think, "What if all my problems are really due to that?" I think I know exactly what Cleese was talking about.


Little Earl said...

According to Ayurveda, regular bowel movements are extremely important and seemingly unrelated maladies such as stomach aches and headaches can actually be a result of frustrated colon activity. Of course, I'm not sure if "The Almighty Cleanse" legitimately helps you in this area.

Also, what's that picture on the label? It looks like a tranquil blue sky with a...golden bird or something?

yoggoth said...

Oh, I'm sure constipation isn't good for you. The guy selling The Almighty Cleanse claimed that it was the root of all maladies in the body. Foot Odor was included on his list. The correctness of the theory isn't even an issue, it's that Cleese poking fun at life was followed by the Cleanse offering to solve all of our problems by way of our bowels.