There Is A God aka Brewers Make The Playoffs

Lord, I am not a religious man. I don't ask for much in this life. I try to eke out a humble, simple existence for myself. But now I know you're out there, watching me, watching Ryan Braun hit a walk-off grand slam last Thursday, watching the New York Mets collapse on the last day of the season for the second year in a row, watching CC Sabathia pitch a complete game victory to clinch the National League Wild Card for the Brew Crew. I know you care.

Granted, you had them blow a 5 1/2 game lead at the start of September, and had them fire Ned Yost with only twelve games to play, which was kind of torturous in that "chop off your fingers one by one" sort of way, but who am I to judge? You work in mysterious ways.

I will ask for nothing more. Except, just, could the Dodgers be eliminated in the first round? No, you know what, I don't really care about that. I am satisfied. I can only ask for so much. My three biggest wishes at the mid-point of the season? 1) Brewers make the playoffs; 2) Yankees miss the playoffs; 3) Tampa Bay Rays make the playoffs. Well guess what? You are the genie, I rubbed the lamp, and I'm all out.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And yes, for the first time since Reagan was president, the Milwaukee Brewers are advancing to the playoffs. Where they will promptly lose in three games to the Phillies, but it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter.

Oh, and God? A word of warning: if you happen to be out driving around on any roads in the entire state of Wisconsin the next few days, you might want to keep an eye out. Hell hath no fury like a celebratory Brewers fan.

The First Debate: The Discussion

I thought this one was a tie. Neither candidate looked bad, and neither sounded amazing. McCain repeatedly insulted Obama, telling him that he didn't understand what he was talking about. If I were debating I probably would have called him on that, but that's not Obama's personality. Both candidates dodged all questions about the Paulson Bailout Plan, which was disappointing but expected. The questions about Iraq and Afghanistan, although simplistic, allowed the candidates to demonstrate their foreign policy trivia - and that's what debates are about these days. I don't put much weight into them because I knew what each candidate would say months ago. The only point to these type of debates is to see if each candidate has the basic knowledge and intelligence to avoid embarrassing themselves are revealing their insanity to the world. We obviously don't have to worry about that in this election after watching...oh, wait, we still have the vice presidential debates!

Cosmic Election Links

EW.com has a funny and slightly poignant interview with John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Both men are funnier when they let their on screen persona slide and divulge how they feel about politics. Actors (and whatever Stewart is - hosts?) assume, and have imposed upon them, a public personality that partially shields them from critique. It would be interesting to ask Stewart and Colbert if they notice the similarity between those dramatic facades and the behavior of politicians. Is there an important difference? Stewart seems to have reluctantly accepted his role as de facto shaper of public opinion. Colbert is much more comfortable explaining it all away as he satirical work of a fictional character. A fictional character also named Stephen Colbert. Is this all part of our gradual acceptance of electronic consciousness transferance? Ah, well I'll save that bad craziness for another post, here are the quotes:

Here's John Stewart on the value of 24 hour news channels: "We've got three financial networks on all day. The bottom falls out of the credit market, and they were all running around. On CNBC I saw a guy talking to eight people in boxes, and they were all like, ''I don't know!'' It'd be like if Hurricane Ike hit, and you put on the Weather Channel, and they were yelling, ''I don't know what the f--- is going on! I'm getting wet and it's windy and I don't know why and it's making me sad!"

And here's Stephen Colbert channeling South Park: "I don't know if you've paid much attention to the past eight years, but it has been a s---burger supreme. If somebody gives me an empty burger, it's better than eating s---."


Then we have Sarah Palin responding to Katie Couric's renowned hardball journalistic techniques by babbling incoherent talking points. A 5 minute segment of The News Hour burnt to CD and left floundering in the back seat of my car for a few months would sound something like Sarah's response.


Finally, you've been RickRolled, but have you ever been....BarackRolled? How will that internet fad be explained to subsequent generations?

McCain Bails on Letterman

In case you missed it, due to the "suspension of his campaign" yesterday, McCain had to bail out on David Letterman at the last minute. This didn't make Letterman too happy. But it provided for plenty of jokes at McCain's expense, including a wonderful Top 10, which I've provided here:

The Top Ten Questions People are Asking The John McCain Campaign

10. “I just contributed to your campaign - how do I get a refund?"

9. “It’s Sarah Palin - does this mean I’m pars’dent?”

8. “Can’t you solve this by selling some of your houses?”

7. “This is Clay Aiken. Is McCain single?”

6. “Do you still think the fundamentals of our economy are strong, Genius?”

5. “Are you doing all of this just to get out of going on Letterman?”

4. “What would Matlock do?”

3. “Hillary here - my schedule is free Friday night.”

2. “Is this just an excuse to catch up on napping?”

1. “This is President Bush - what’s all this trouble with the economy?”

Watch the video above for the full opening monologue, and stick around till the seven minute mark to see what McCain was really up to (no joke!).

Number 2: Half Life 2 - "Point Insertion" (Valve, 2004)

Returning back now with my list for best first levels in videogames, the number 2 spot belongs to the opening of Valve's sequel to its astounding masterpiece "Half Life". The opening level of Half Life 2 is called "Point Insertion". It begins with you, as our hero Gordon Freeman, being awoken by the mysterious "G-Man", who we'll come back to later. The original Half Life opened with the level "Anamalous Materials", with Gordon going to work on his first day of his new job at Black Mesa, a sort of secret government testing facility.

What makes the Half Life games unique is that the entire story is seen from your point of view. There are no cinematic sequences, no cuts, nothing at all to remind you that you are playing a game. The games play in a sort-of real time, with everything being directly experienced by you as the player. This was best witnessed during the opening of the original Half Life, with Gordon entering the Black Mesa facility as if he were just going to work, with the characters around you greeting you, giving you your nametag and ID and showing you your office. There was a never a game as immersive, and the game laid the groundwork for many games to come, such as Bioshock, which was also featured on this countdown.

So why did I choose Point Insertion over Anamalous Materials? Well, Anamalous Materials was absolutely amazing for its time and Point Insertion definitely couldn't have happened without it. But I'm of the opinion that the opening of Half Life 2 provides for a greater gameplay experience, subtly teaching you the mechanics of the game while effectively showing the world and conveying the atmosphere better than its predecessor. Anamalous Materials could be faulted for its lack of gameplay. While the opening tram-ride scene has been lauded, it doesn't provide for much gameplay besides looking around and taking in the environment. Because of this, I find Point Insertion a better opening level, if only by a hair.

What is the story of Half Life you may ask? Well, Gordon Freeman, fresh out of M.I.T., arrives for his first day of work. He's invited to take part in some sort of experiment which utilizes his knowledge of nuclear physics when something goes wrong during said experiment, opening a dimensional rift, allowing trans-dimensional aliens to invade and overrun the facility. After a lengthy battle working his way through the facility battling not only the aliens, but also the military who've been sent in to "contain the outbreak", Gordon succeeds in stopping the invasion and is subsequently placed in some sort of stasis by the mysterous "G-Man", an unknown figure who pops up throughout both games who appears to be observing Gordon and his progress (think of the cigarrette smoking man from The X-Files).

As I stated in the beginning, Half Life 2 opens with you, as Gordon Freeman being awoken from your stasis by the G-Man who ends his opening monologue with the lines "The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So wake up Mr. Freeman, wake up and smell the ashes."

You awake to find yourself on a train. There's just a small handful of people with you there. They're all wearing the same jumpsuits, with numbers sewn onto the chest, like something you'd see in a prison or concentration camp. One of them remarks that he didn't see you get on. The train pulls into the station and as you walk out the door you are presented with the grim nightmare world of Half Life 2. Apparently not everything went well after your success at Black Mesa. As you learn over the course of the game, an alien force known as "The Combine" has taken over the world. Having been attracted to Earth after you accidentally opened the dimensional rift in the first game, the Combine quickly took over in what became known as "The Seven Hour War", after which Earth surrendered. Apparently the Combine have decimated most of Earth's population, leaving only a handful of humans left to live in highly controlled city centers known only by their number.

You are greeted on the overhead TV screens by a welcoming voice. "Welcome, welcome to City 17. You have chosen, or been chosen to relocate to one of our finest remaining urban centers. I thought so much of City 17 that I elected to establish my administration here in the citadel, so thoughtfully provided by our benefactors. I am proud to call City 17 my home. And so, whether you are here to stay, or passing through to parts unknown, welcome, to City 17. It's safer here. " This is the voice of Dr. Breen, who will become the antagonist of the game, and you can detect just a slight hint of uneasiness, or maybe it's weariness, in his voice. This is definitely not the Earth you left behind.

As you make your way through the train station you are treated to an amazingly life-like world. From the dilapidated buildings, to the way the "Civil Protection", in their gasmasks and creepy vocoder voices push you around, to the little scenes that take place (like where you can see the poor guy being interrogated through the slit in the door), the game effectively builds the atmosphere of a nightmarishly dystopian world, that perhaps recalls the horror of WWII ghettos.

You run into an old friend disguised as a member of Civil Protection (CP) who briefly catches you up on what's been going on. He's part of an underground resistance movement against the Combine and directs you to make it to a nearby safehouse. Soon you make your way outside to the main plaza, where you first catch a glimpse of the enormous Citadel, a towering alien structure many miles tall. You make your way through a few alleyways where you stumble across the CP in action, terrorizing and beating a few citizens inside an apartment building, apparently for no reason. This scene reminds me vaguely of the part in THX-1138 with the robot officer beating the person being broadcast on TV (also used as a sound sample on the opening track of Nine Inch Nails' 'The Downward Spiral'). This is definitely a grim world.

Eventually the Combine picks up that you aren't supposed to be in the city. Over a loudspeaker you hear a calm British female voice saying there's been a miscount of people in the sector. Soon the CP are onto you. They chase you across the rooftops, with alien-like helicopters on your tail. You make your way to another building only to find yourself surrounded by CPs. That's when you are saved by Alyx Vance, the comely daughter of one of your old work buddies, who becomes your companion for the remainder of the game.

This level does a lot of things right. It sets up the atmosphere for the rest of the game and it teaches you the basic mechanics of the game with nice subtle touches, like how it teaches you to pick up objects by having a CP officer order you to pick up a piece of trash and throw it away. It's also interesting how there's no HUD during this first level. With no life bars or ammo gauges to clutter up the screen it allows for a more immersive experience. For all these reasons this is why I've chosen Point Insertion as my number two pick.

Watch the level here, and if you're interested watch Anamalous Materials here.

(As a side note, I really enjoyed the ending of this game too. Though it could be said that it's exteremely abrupt, I thought it fit perfectly. Also, I haven't played through Episodes 1 and 2, so please no spoilers!)

In More Important Election News...

Roger Ebert has a post on his blog about the presidential candidates' favorite movies:

Everybody is making lists of the questions the candidates should be asked during the debates. My question would be: What's your favorite movie? As my faithful readers all know, the answer to that question says a lot about the person answering. It could be used as a screening device on a blind date. Among other things, it tells you whether the person has actually seen a lot of movies, and I persist in believing that cinematic taste is as important as taste in literature, music, art, or other things requiring taste (including food and politics). I know the answers of the most recent Presidents: "High Noon" (Clinton) and "Field of Dreams" (Bush). What might this year's candidates say? A Google search suggests their answers, (alphabetically):

Joe Biden on Facebook: Didn't reply on Facebook. Google search yields nothing.

John McCain on Facebook: "Viva Zapata!," "Letters From Iwo Jima," "Some Like It Hot."

Barack Obama on Facebook: "Casablanca," "Godfather I and II," "Lawrence of Arabia" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."

Sarah Palin on Facebook: Didn't reply on Facebook. Google search yields only her official website, where "favorite movie" is ominously listed under "Trivia," and even more ominously is left blank. Movies are not trivia.

So let's see what we've got here. As Ebert goes on to say, McCain's answers are pretty good. Letters From Iwo Jima is a bit too recent, I think, to be named a favorite by anybody, but at least McCain picked the weirder, Japanese half of Clint Eastwood's project and not Flags Of Our Fathers (I only saw Iwo Jima, but I liked it), and of course it's not surprising that McCain would gravitate toward a war film. Some Like It Hot is a nice, safe choice from someone of his generation; hard to argue with that one. Viva Zapata! is the most interesting selection, both because of its relative obscurity and its subject matter. Wasn't Zapata a Mexican revolutionary? Not exactly the first movie you'd expect a Republican presidential candidate to admire, but no matter. In sum: McCain knows his movies.

Obama's picks are even more down my alley, so in one way I'm impressed, but in another way I have to say that his choices are a little less idiosyncratic than McCain's. No, I am not going to fault a man for naming Lawrence Of Arabia, Casablanca and The Godfather as favorites, if you know what I mean. And even Cuckoo's Nest is in my DVD collection. But come on, who doesn't like these movies? Still, these are excellent choices.

As for W., I have to say that Field Of Dreams is a pretty solid, if not mindblowing, pick. Let's just say you could do worse (some websites suggested his favorite movie was Armageddon, but subsequent research has proven this inaccurate). Besides, the man loves baseball - he used to own the Texas Rangers. You know, I sometimes think I could have a pretty interesting conversation with W. about baseball if I ever had the chance.

But it seems like Bill Clinton is the master in this contest, as demonstrated by an interview he did with Ebert back in 1999. It's weird to hear a sitting president expressing such open admiration for films such as Fight Club, American Beauty, and Three Kings, but there you have it. Some highlights:

RE: You know, one thing that has struck me this year, there's been a whole group of movies that seem to be very negative about affluence or consumerism. There was this very popular movie "Fight Club," where the guys-

WJC: I saw it.

RE: You saw it.

WJC: Tough movie.

RE: Where they had to fight each other in order to feel authentic because they're Ikea couches were not doing it for them. What did you think about that?

WJC: Um, well I thought it was a pretty compelling movie. I think Norton and Pitt were good in it. I mean, they played their roles really well. And I think that it is, now that we have the most prosperous society we've ever had and we've got a thirty year low on unemployment and a twenty year low on poverty, I think that it's a good thing for people to remember that life is about more than money. But I also think it's important not to disparage prosperity for it gives people the opportunity and the leisure and the security to think about other thing. And you know, so maybe it's the public servant in me, but I think the proper response to the questioning of it is to try to make sure that the people who don't have enough, have enough and then to think about what we're going to do with time and the fruits that we have. But you know, so it was a little too nihilist for me, but I thought it was very compelling. I thought that those two guys were great and I think that Helena Bonham Carter was in it and she was a very compelling figure in it. I thought it was quite good.

RE: I loved the performances and I loved the first half of the movie, but it seemed to me that-

WJC: It gets old though. Doesn't it?

RE: Well, they have to fight each other in order to feel real. It seems to me that there's enough suffering in the world without having to go out and find it.

WJC: There is. And it's simply not true that this that the material advances we've had are inherently bad or empty. They give you the power to define your life more. And I don't mean just for rich people, I mean people that have a decent middle class life. You know, to have the lowest African-American and Hispanic unemployment rates we've ever had, to have a twenty-year low in poverty, to have a forty-year low in female unemployment. These things are not bad. It's just not enough. It's not all there is to life, but it creates the possibility of fashioning a life that has integrity and meaning.

RE: I think so. I gave a negative review to the movie and I got an email from somebody who said, "Well, my generation," this is an amazing email, "my generation has been denied the opportunity your generation had to fight a war like Vietnam. We don't have any way to test ourselves so we have to go to movies like "Fight Club."" And I'm thinking, "That's not what wars are for." His reasoning seemed to be so screwed up.

WJC: Well, the young people they don't have to deal with Vietnam, but I think if they had they would find it was way overrated. You know, losing 58,000 people and a whole other generation of people who were alienated from it and the traumas that so many people went through and there's not a person who went through it who's still not marked by it in some way. Or even more importantly, the civil rights movement, you know that was a very positive thing, but for the people who suffered under the oppression of segregation or who like Congressman John Lewis had their lives threatened because they stood up for civil rights. You know, I wouldn't wish that on the young people of this...there's still a lot of problems in this world. You know, if they really want to throw themselves into something they could figure out what to do about the AIDS epidemic, threatening Africa and increasingly Indians in Asia. They could figure out what to do to save a lot of these kids that are still being lost in our own country. There's still mountains to climb out there. There are things outside yourself to throw yourself into. You don't have to get beat up by somebody you know.

Thanks for the policy plug, Bill.

F-ing Google Blogger Ate My Post

I just spent a full two hours writing my damn post. I hit submit, noticed a spelling error, went to change it, when the message 'autosave failed' came up. I scrolled to the bottom to find more than half of my post missing! It's gone! Poof! I hit the back button but it won't show. I mean, the whole thing was published for a few minutes, but now it's not there! Where the fuck did it go?? I'm sorry but you'll have to wait because Google ate my post. Go fuck yourself Google.

Is Henry Paulson President Now?

Where has Bush been? Did he call it quits after that discussion with Putin at the Olympics? Damn, I can't even watch sports and have a chat without someone criticizing me, I'm done with this President thing.

I'm reading all these stories saying that our situation is/is not similar to 1929 and in every one there's a picture of Hank wearing his blue suit, slightly hunched and reassuringly bald, exiting one shiny glass and marble building or another.

From the NYTimes, Sheryl Gay Stolberg writes:

"It was brief, two minutes. His brow was furrowed, and his words were careful: “The American people can be sure we will continue to act to strengthen and stabilize our financial markets and improve investor confidence.” Then, having imparted no specifics, he once again slipped out of sight."

He basically came out, pointed at Paulson, and said: He's got this one.

Bush met with John Kufuor, the president of Ghana, on Monday. “Your tenure has been full of events and challenges, some very mind-boggling and hair-raising,” Mr. Kufuor told Mr. Bush, raising more than a few eyebrows. “You are a survivor,” the Ghanaian leader told the American president. “And my hope is that history would prove kinder to you.”

You know you're a lame duck when even the President of Ghana feels sorry for you.

Magic 8 Ball Predicts 49ers and Raiders Victories

Is there a more cherished icon of classic American kitsch than the Magic 8 Ball? I mean really now? I was hanging out with my roommate a couple of nights ago, and there in his room, resting on the ironing board, was the legendary soothsaying device in question. I said, "OK, let's try this thing out," and I handed it to him. He turned it upside down, and with the appropriate gravitas, shook it and asked, "Will Obama be the next president of the United States?" The 8 Ball's response: "It is certain." You heard it here first, folks.

Then I did one. "Will the Milwaukee Brewers...make the playoffs?" The 8 Ball's reply: "Don't count on it." Indeed, given the team's recent September slide, I'd say the 8 Ball might be on the mark with that one.

My roommate took another shot. "Will Obama...win Ohio?" "Outlook good." "All right, I'm liking these answers," my roommate observed.

My turn again. "Has McCain ever had...a penis...in his ass?" "Reply hazy, try again." We both groaned in frustration.

My roommate went political one last time. "Will Sarah Palin...help McCain...win the election?" "It is certain." We looked at each other in puzzlement. How could both Obama and McCain win the election? The 8 Ball was giving us conflicting answers!

"How about some football questions," I said. My roommate gritted his teeth. "Will the Cleveland Browns...win the Super Bowl?" "My reply is no." "OK, that sounds about right," he said.

I then asked, "Will the Raiders...win the Super Bowl?" "Don't count on it."

My roommate grabbed it back and shook it rather vehemently. "Will the Raiders...win a game this year?" "Signs point to yes." "Damn." He paused in thought, then shook even harder. "Will the Niners...win a game this year?" "You may rely on it." "All right, all right, those were stupid questions," he admitted.

And yet little did we know how quickly the 8 Ball's prophecy would prove to be correct! I mean, hell, after the 49ers fell behind 14-0 in the first five minutes against the Seahawks I was pretty much like, "So...which week are we playing the Rams again?" Suddenly I tune in an hour later and it's 27-20 with the Niners ahead. Come again? Final score 33-30 - Niners win. Did I mention that this was the Seahawks? In Seattle? Let's hear it for former UC Davis quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan, who became the first Niners QB to throw for more than 300 yards in a game since 2004. I suppose throwing for more than 300 yards in a game isn't supposed to be particularly rare, but as Colonel Dryden says in Lawrence of Arabia, "Big things have small beginnings, sir." As for the Raiders beating the Chiefs, well, the Chiefs stink anyway.

Of course, we neglected to ask the 8 Ball if the Niners and Raiders would win more than one game this season. But sometimes it's best not to ask the 8 Ball too much.

Shine On You Crazy Synthesizer Guy

Will all those people clamoring for a full-fledged Pink Floyd reunion finally shut up now? Rick ol' boy, we hardly knew ye.

My personal favorite Rick Wright anecdote: Before drummer Nick Mason published his Floyd memoir Inside Out, he sent copies of the manuscript to each of the other remaining band members for feedback. David Gilmour made a few notes here and there, but mostly agreed with Nick's version of events. Roger Waters wrote all over the manuscript, constantly making corrections and arguing over details. Rick Wright just wrote back saying something along the lines of, "Yeah Nick, looks good to me, honestly, I don't really remember any of it."

Perhaps the keyboardists' demise will call attention to his epic solo output, consisting of "God that must be a solo album" titles like Wet Dream (1978), Broken China (1996), and Identity (1984), a collaboration with Dave Harris released under the band name Zee.