Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Pointer Sisters: They May Be Excited, But You Better Not Be

How many times have you heard a pop song where the woman is desperately dreaming for some super-suave ladies' man on a big white horse to come in and sweep her off her feet? Not the Pointer Sisters. See, the Pointer Sisters love you for who you are. The Pointer Sisters understand the appeal of the "nice guy."

Here is the rare '80s hit to praise passivity and humility over action and confidence. "He's So Shy" is so bouncy, so sweet, so ingratiating in every way, I wish I could tell you more about how much I adore this song ... if I wasn't so painfully shy!

And why does everybody have to be in such a rush these days? Whatever happened to taking your time?

The Pointer Sisters were so full of positivity and good nature, they weren't even afraid to encourage their weird-sounding, super-deep voiced sister to sing now and then. I'm pretty sure when most people heard "Automatic," they thought, "All right, a great new Stevie Wonder song!" And then they found out it was the Pointer Sisters. "So wait, you mean to tell me ... that's a woman?" Ruth Pointer - and what a woman she is. Does she have a stray testicle somewhere?

So let me pose a thought experiment to you: it's 1984, the Pointer Sisters are putting out a song called "Jump (For My Love)," and you need to make a video. What else is going on in 1984? The Summer Olympics! Come on guys, this video makes itself!

Finally, before I get too excited to talk about anything else other than the sheer, unbridled majesty of the Pointer Sisters, there is "I'm So Excited." When the Pointer Sisters initially released the song in 1982, nobody actually got all that excited; it peaked at #30. But in the wake of "Automatic" and "Jump (For My Love)," the song was re-released, and this time listeners mustered up the appropriate level of excitement; it peaked at #9, going on to become arguably their best-known hit (and with the Pointer Sisters, that is saying something). Check out the extended 12" version, where all the instruments drop out of the mix at the end except for the bass and bongos and the sisters can barely stop themselves from jamming! The song is also, if I'm not mistaken, the unofficial marketing theme for Cialis. Remember tiger: they make look excited, but underneath, what they really want is a shy guy with a slow hand. Hell, they're so excited, they're even wearing sunglasses in the bath tub.

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