Sunday, May 20, 2012

Matthew Wilder Has Strangest Dream, Impressive Mustache, Only Hit


Well, OK, technically not his "only" hit: according to Wikipedia, "The Kid's American" peaked at #33 and "Bouncing Off The Walls" peaked at #52. But if "Break My Stride" wasn't Wilder's only official hit, it certainly was his strangest dream:
Last night I had the strangest dream
I sailed away to China
In a little rowboat to find you
And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned
Didn't want no one to hold you
What does that mean?
Yes, Matthew Wilder, what does that mean? And yet, strange as that dream may have been, it was arguably not as strange as his appearance on Solid Gold. Prepare yourself.



First of all, many viewers have been shocked to discover that Matthew Wilder is not black, Carribean, or female. Then, there is his mustache. It's one hell of a mustache. It is, as one YouTube writer put it, "a mustache you could hang your shirt on." Couple that with the haircut and the wardrobe, and numerous comparisons are apt. In the YouTube comments he has been said to resemble everyone from Mario (of Super Mario Brothers fame) to 'Weird' Al Yankovic. Some others:
if freddy mercury and richard simmons had a child this would be the end result

Is this the white equivalent of Lionel Richie?!?

He's like Yanni's gay brother.

Dude! Ron Jeremy can SING!!

feminine gerri curled robin williams

it's like Gene Shalit and Geraldo had a love child
Then there is the "Chapman Stick." Apparently one of the musicians is playing an instrument known as a "Chapman Stick."


A Chapman Stick is like a guitar that is only the fret, but you play it more like a keyboard (!). This, ladies and gentlemen, is clearly what modern music has been missing.

Another YouTube commentator asks, "How many keyboards do you need?" Someone else expands on this dilemma:
conversation had by this band:
Matthew Wilder: maybe we should add 2 more keyboard players?
Keyboard Player 1: but we already have 3 keyboard players, including you
Keyboard Player 2: yea what would they do?
Matthew Wilder: one would play keyboard, and the other one would pretend to play keyboard just like all of us do
Keyboard Players: then yea, definitely, sounds awesome
Some final thoughts from our YouTube friends:
Every generation a new artist comes along who personifies and defines the bad ass spirit of rock and roll... Jim Morrison, Axl Rose, Liam Gallagher and... Mathew Wilder

It takes a really talented songwriter to make the rhyme "rocky" and "cocky" work.

I like the part where he keeps on moving

1. White guy?! - check 2. WITH gerri curls?! - check 3. AND leather pants?! - check 4. AND zipper shirt?! - check 5. AND "Cruising" moustache?! - check 5. AND cheesy Solid Gold Dancers in green lame sparkle spandex literally interpreting lyrics?! ("Running so fast" Okay, everyone run in place) - check 6. AND side guitarist with carefully shaved 6 o-clock shadow beard?! - check 7. AND a Chapman Stick player?! - check 8. AND Simmons electronic drum kit?! - check
Sure, you're laughing now, but in the end it was Wilder who had the last laugh, as he later stepped behind the recording console to produce No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom, which sold about 20 zillion copies. Suffice to say, he can probably sail to China any damn time he pleases. Wikipedia adds that he has since produced acts such as Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, and Miley Cyrus.

Perhaps Matthew Wilder's stride wasn't so "a-broken" after all, eh?

3 comments:

Herr Zrbo said...

So many things to love in this video. Just what's up with his outfit? It's like a purple nurse's smock over a tight red shirt. Those dancers look even worse than the St. Patrick's day rejects from the last Solid Gold video you posted. And I just love how the host lady comes out during the breakdown to introduce the band and then bops away so the band can get back to their groove. This is truly top-A material.

This song would later go on to be sampled in P. Diddy's 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down' together with Grandmaster Flash's 'The Message' (did Puffy invent the mashup?).

Little Earl said...

The host definitely broke his stride.

In Cognito said...

Does anyone know if Wilder is straight?