Thursday, April 19, 2012

Laura Branigan: Queen Of Aerobic Rock

Olivia Newton-John may have created Aerobic Rock, but Laura Branigan perfected it.

Branigan went straight to the source: sleazy Eurodisco. "Gloria" was originally an Italian hit for Umberto Tozzi, with lyrics from, so I'm told at least, a male perspective.

With an English translation, some alterations, and the thrilling vocal touch of the then-unknown Branigan, an Aerobic Rock behemoth was born.

You may notice a slight similarity between the three-note synthesizer riff of "Gloria" and the chorus of "Physical." That may or may not be intentional. But let's be honest here: "Physical" wishes it were half the song that "Gloria" is.

Just listen to the opening. A vast, heavenly army of synthesizers descends from Mount Olympus, suddenly landing on a beat. It is a beat that can power the Gods. Forthright, resolute, unwavering. It is the beat ... of "Gloria."

Even though "Gloria" is the biggest piece of cheese of all time, apparently no one told Branigan. She utters the lyrics with a life-or-death urgency. She's really fucking worried about Gloria! On paper, the lyrics may read like this:
I think they've got your number
I think they've got the alias
That you've been living under
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said
All the voices in your head
Calling "Gloria"?
But in the hands of Laura Branigan, they read more like this:
I think they've got your num-baaa!
I think they've got the alias!
That you've been living unnnnn-daaa-aa-aa!
But you reeeeeeeeeally don't remember
Was it something that they sai-ah-ead
All the voices in your hea-ah-ead
Calling "Gloriaaaa-aaaaa"?
It's like she's thinking, "Get out of my face, Barbra Streisand. Go back to acting." She is Krishna on his chariot, laying waste to the Kaurava army in the Mahabharata. The teething masses, in thrall to Branigan's magnetic sway, can only chant "Gloria" behind her.

I mean hell, check out this clip from Solid Gold. The stage is literally exploding from the sheer force of Branigan's Aerobic Rock power.


Herr Zrbo said...

Please keep these Solid Gold videos coming. I could watch them till infinity.

Little Earl said...

My pleasure.

Trần Quyết Nguyễnn said...

Bài viết của Bạn rất hay, rất cần thiết và rõ ràng.
Tôi cũng xin được chia sẻ 1 link cũng rất là hay khác nè: áo tập aerobic

Stewball said...
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