Drew: Hey, isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's?Now here is the last part of that scene as it plays out on cable television:
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Drew: Hmmm. Who's she here with?
Peter Gibbons: She's with me.
Drew: Really?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Drew: All right, Peter! Ooh! Ooh! Right on... Make sure you wear a rubber, dude.
Peter Gibbons: Why is that, Drew?
Drew: Are you kidding me? She gets around. All right?
Peter Gibbons: She does, does she?
Drew: Oh, yeah. Like a record.
Peter Gibbons: Like, with who?
Drew: Oh, let's see, uh... Hell, Lumbergh fucked her.
Drew: Are you kidding me? She gets around. All right?"Had" her? "Had" her? I can't work with that. Now take the scene in which the three main protagonists are hatching their plan to install an embezzling virus into the computer system at Initech. The theatrical release version:
Peter Gibbons: She does, does she?
Drew: Oh, yeah. Like a record.
Peter Gibbons: Like, with who?
Drew: Oh, let's see, uh... Hell, Lumbergh had her.
Peter Gibbons: [discussing the possibility of going to prison] This isn't Riyadh. You know they're not gonna saw your hands off here, alright? The worst they would ever do is they would put you for a couple of months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort! ... Do you know, they have conjugal visits there?Now the cable TV version:
Samir: Really?
Peter Gibbons: Yes.
Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.
Peter Gibbons: Do you know, they have conjugal visits there?"Slime"? "Slime"? Really now. I have the feeling that not even eight-year-olds use "slime" as an expletive anymore.
Samir: Really?
Peter Gibbons: Yes.
Michael Bolton: Slime. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.
In some cases the dubbing is so creative it almost becomes an extra joke. Cable has turned Michael Bolton's "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison, no, no, no, we're going to federal pound me in the ass prison" into "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison, no, no, no, we're going to federal pound me into ash prison." Pound me into ash, eh? Sounds like a pretty rough prison. Sure wouldn't want to be pounded into ash.
I never realized how integral profanity was to a movie, even to a seemingly inoffensive, reasonably intellectual comedy such as Office Space, until I watched it on cable. Cable even ruins the poetic last scene in which Peter finds some redemptive solace in his new construction job. He declares, "This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, gettin' exercise, workin' outside." His delightfully uncouth neighbor (and new co-worker) Lawrence exclaims, "Fuckin' A." Peter takes a long, deep breath and replies, in a comically formal tone, "Fuckin' ... A." Cable turns this into:
Peter Gibbons: This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, gettin' exercise, workin' outside.They even massacred the ending. Freakin' A.
Lawrence: Freakin' A.
Peter Gibbons: [nods] Freakin' ... A.
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It's like the ending of Die Hard 2 where Bruce Willis, ahem John McClain mutters "Yippie ki-yay mother fucker" as he blows up the plane full of bad guys. I believe on the TV version he says: "Yippie ki-yay bad guys!"
BTW, is there a way to remove these obnoxious spam comments?
We could disallow anonymous posting. Or turn on that thing where it asks you to type in a funny shaped word.
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