Debbie Gibson Collaborated With The Circle Jerks (?!)

Let's go back, shall we, to January 2012, toward the tail end of my "Fun New Wave Surprises" series, where loyal readers may remember my post titled "Belinda Carlisle Was In The Germs (?!)," prompted by my discovery of perhaps the most notorious tidbit of rock and roll trivia that has ever come to pass and shall ever come to pass - that Belinda Carlisle, Queen of Yuppie Rock, had (briefly) been a member of seminal LA punk band the Germs. To explain my amazement and bemusement, I wrote the following words: "It would be like someone coming up to me and telling me, 'Hey, did you know that Debbie Gibson used to be in the Circle Jerks?' Why no. No I did not."

Well, about that. Some time later, I found myself, on an otherwise perfectly normal day, reading Debbie Gibson's otherwise perfectly normal Wikipedia page, only to come across this section:

In 1995, she signed with EMI's SBK Records division and recorded her only album for the label, Think With Your Heart. It was an Adult contemporary-heavy album consisting of piano and keyboard ballads recorded predominantly with the London Philharmonic Orchestra. The album's producer, Niko Bolas, who was usually Neil Young's co-producer, was producing the reunion album for Circle Jerks (a veteran punk band) and invited Gibson to a recording session for that band's album. She sang background vocals on the song "I Wanna Destroy You", as well as appearing at and participating in the Circle Jerks' performance [at] the punk venue CBGB, wearing one of the band's T-shirts and sharing a microphone with frontman Keith Morris.

OK. All right. Let's get one thing clear.

When I wrote about Debbie Gibson being in the Circle Jerks ... I was joking.

It was a joke.

As in, "This is obviously something that would have never happened."

And I could have picked any offensive punk band name! I could have picked, say, the Dickies, or the Butthole Surfers, or the Crucifucks. I guess the Circle Jerks just seemed to have the right je ne sais quoa. It was supposed to be funny because it was supposed to be implausible. I had not read about this collaboration before I made the joke. I did not possess some secret insider information.

What we might have on our hands here ... is the most incredible coincidence in American history.

Yes, even more incredible than John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both dying on July 4, 1826, precisely fifty years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. I mean, that one is pretty incredible, but me making a joke about Debbie Gibson and the Circle Jerks, only to learn that Debbie Gibson had actually collaborated with the Circle Jerks?

That isn't just funny. That's scary.

This is some supernatural voodoo mysticism right here. Granted, Debbie Gibson was never actually "in" the Circle Jerks, but come on, that's just splitting hairs. She easily could have never been within the same time zone as the Circle Jerks. This is way too close for comfort. The universe must have decided, "What is the most ridiculous, most unlikely musical collaboration that could have ever possibly existed?" And then BAM! It was so ridiculous, and so unlikely, that the universe willed it into being. Think I'm making this up, like the mysterious, unnamed scribe of a certain Phil Collins memoir? We have video:

Most surreal exchanges:

Circle Jerks: I think it was a natural progression for us. We did it to increase our mall sales.

Debbie Gibson: Now that's Tiffany.

Buuuurn.

Circle Jerks: How would you like to stage dive this evening for the first time?

Debbie Gibson: Ugh. Ugh. Thank God my mother didn't come. I knew there was a reason I told her to stay home.

But while you're busy processing the impossible, I guess I might as well talk about Debbie Gibson's two big hits from 1989, in that final, delicate moment before teen pop underwent an immediate, dramatic, and well-earned (?) ten year hibernation. After revisiting "Lost In Your Eyes," another US #1 smash for the Notorious Debbie G., I have come to an obvious realization. A couple of years back, I remarked that Martika's "Toy Soldiers" might have been the best Belinda Carlisle solo hit that Belinda never made, but now I might have to eat those words, because as I listen to "Lost In Your Eyes," you know who I think Debbie Gibson's biggest musical influence was? Not Madonna, not Whitney Houston, not George Michael. I think it was Belinda Carlisle! "Lost in your eyes" is totally a lyric from the chorus of "Mad About You," right? And "I get weak" is totally a lyric from the chorus of "I Get Weak," right?

My God, everybody.

Debbie Gibson was just pilfering Belinda Carlisle's solo hits for her lyrics and tossing them all into one big Belinda lyrical salad. I mean hell, why not just throw in references to "heaven on earth" and "circles in the sand" and call it a day? The funniest thing about all this borrowing, of course, is that Gibson, who actually wrote her own material, was so heavily inspired by the music of a singer who almost exclusively relied on other writers for her material. Hey look, if you're Belinda Carlisle, you'll take your musical legacy wherever you can find it. Be proud, my yuppie queen, be very, very proud.

Yes Belinda, we see you there with Debbie Gibson (and Donna Summer)

Frankly, it's hard for me listen to "Lost In Your Eyes" without feeling a slight resentment toward it, as I get the sense that it desperately wants to serve as the soundtrack to an idyllic teenage romance I never actually, you know, had, but setting that aside for a moment, for what it's trying to be (a shamelessly grand, sentimental, Disney-style ballad), could it realistically be any better? How many songwriters have been attempting to write this sort of cheese over the past 30 years, dreaming of their masterpiece being belted by a horde of Mariah wannabes on American Idol? How many of them ever managed to make their chord progressions sturdy enough, their bridges hauntingly modulated enough, their vocal melodies varied enough? Sure, the opening piano motif lifts a bit from "Imagine," the drums predictably enter at the start of the second verse, the hard-rocking guitar comes in at the halfway point to keep the energy level from flagging, and pointing out the key change here would be like pointing out the pimple on an adolescent's face, but when you watch a horror movie, you expect a few zombies to get their throats slit, do you not? (Video highlight: Debbie deking out mutant blue-eyed but otherwise black and white Zombie Boyfriend on the court before sinking in a perfect shot [at 3:23] - I hear the Knicks have an opening.)

Side note: although my Bangles series petered out after 'Walk Like An Egyptian," I should mention that, for a good many years, I used to mistake "Eternal Flame" for a Debbie Gibson song, which, if you're the Bangles, probably isn't the kind of mental mix-up you'd want people to be making. (They probably also wouldn't want to know that [whispers] I might prefer "Lost In Your Eyes"!)

And finally, we come to "Electric Youth," which, as a song, may be no "Lost In Your Eyes," but as a video, is practically an '80s blogger's wet dream. I'm assuming they filmed it inside a "still under construction" ride at Disneyland, complete with fake castle backdrop and imitation bushes. Debbie gets out there and struts her stuff in a light blue button-up blouse that's tied in a knot at the bottom (premonitions of Britney?), a black vest, and jeans that are cut off ... immediately below the knee? Why there? Then during the bridge, she's suddenly swallowed by a cage of neon laser beams (but somehow escapes!). Then, during the synth solo, Debbie, her keytar player, and her other cohorts float awkwardly in front of a green screen, a special effect that, since it serves no clear purpose, I assume was probably stipulated in her contract. I also love the brief shots of A) a little girl turning into a slightly older girl turning into ... Debbie? (at 1:40 and 4:30); B) what appears to be a group of elderly Irish gravediggers in a field attempting to dance to the song (at 2:55); C) Michael Jordan ... in 1989! (oh yes, the '90s were on their way) (at 4:03); D) a fortune teller gazing into a crystal ball, and seeing ... what could it be? Why it's ... it's ... Debbie Gibson! Whose image then turns into the words "Electric Youth" (at 4:16)! "Don't underestimate the power of a lifetime ahead," eh? To paraphrase Jon Landau's infamous statement on Bruce Springsteen, I have seen the future, and, unbeknownst to the participants of this video, its name is not Debbie Gibson.

Unless she's singing back-up for the Circle Jerks, that is.