Fast-forward to late 1987. Freshly-perfumed Belinda Carlisle is recording her second solo album in a state-of-the-art Los Angeles studio, with Rick Nowels in the producer's chair. She needs material. Somebody says, possibly in jest, possibly after having ingested an ill-advised amount of the magic dust, "Guys, guys, I've got it! She can do a cover of ... Cream's 'I Feel Free'! But we'll make it sound, like, all '80s and stuff!" A chorus of eager assent erupts throughout the studio. This suggestion is immediately put into action.
All right. I want a straight answer. No deflections of blame, no convenient claims of ignorance. Whose idea was it to have Belinda record a cover of Cream's "I Feel Free"? Oh I feel free all right - free to ask "What the fuhhhhh?" I mean what was the thought process here? I'm not particularly angry. I'm not particularly bothered. I just want to know. Not only that, but whose idea was it to release it as a single? Heaven On Earth had already managed to produce an impressive string of three top ten hits, but you know what, MCA? That just wasn't enough for you. Oh no. You got greedy. You had visions of True Blue and Whitney dancing around in your heads and you just couldn't leave well enough alone. Well guess how high Belinda's impressively sanitized cover of this psychedelic nugget performed on the charts? Her version of "I Feel Free" peaked at a whopping ... wait for it ... #88.
Whereas Cream's version gallops along like a ... like a brand new Jaguar, Belinda's version seems to lurch forward in fits and starts like, let's say, a broken down VW van. Whereas the original is powered along by the beastly rumble of Ginger Baker in his prime, the re-make is powered along by, I assume, a beat that is less than human. Whereas Clapton's solo sounds like a laser beam tripping on shrooms, the solo in Belinda's version sounds like a ... hive of disgruntled hornets? In short, I want to say that Belinda's cover of "I Feel Free" is kind of ... what's the word? Lacking? But ... oh, come on, who am I kidding? No one else. No one else could have done this - would have done this. This is another Belinda head-scratcher moment for the ages. Listen to how hard she brings it on the second bridge. "You think my Cream cover is a joke? I'll tell you who's the joke, bitch." She even tops it all off with the most unintentionally hilarious 1988 outro-whispering this side of "Man in the Mirror." I'm looking around for even the slightest sign of irony, but nope, there's not a spec on the horizon. I'm fairly certain that when Belinda, Rick, and crew sat around and listened to the playback, they all thought to themselves, "That was awesome!"
I mean, the Go-Go's circa 1981 could have really laid into this with aplomb (arguably it would have been more up the Bangles' alley), but ... Belinda circa 1988? Why not have her do "Purple Haze," or "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" while we're at it? Where's Belinda's trippy rendition of the Yardbirds' "Happenings Ten Years Time Ago," eh? Hey, I've got an idea: how about Belinda doing a cover of "My Generation," but instead of having her smash her instruments to pieces at the end, we'll just have her get a manicure? God knows what Clapton thought of Belinda's interpretation of his former group's work, but I may not be going out on a limb here if I surmise that his sitar-playing buddy came across it and secretly made a note to himself: "You know ... I think that's girl's got something."
[A quick word on the Heaven on Earth album as a whole. Despite the fact that it is her best-selling and most widely-known solo long-player, and that it contains, I think it's fair to say, three of her absolute best singles (not to mention the world's most unexpected Cream cover), when I compare it to her solo debut, I find the album as a whole to be kind of ... boring? Bland? Can you believe I'm saying this? Heaven on Earth was a major global success, peaking at #4 in the UK and in the top ten all over Europe (oddly, just like Belinda, it peaked at #13 in the U.S., but eventually went platinum as opposed to Belinda's mere gold), and I have even seen a few Europeans talk about it online as if it were a "classic" '80s album that belongs on "Greatest '80s Albums" lists and such. Hey listen. I am as big a Carlisle-ophile as they come, but ... I don't know about that. The singles aside, I find it a rather ... disheartening affair. Belinda at least had the shock of the new. It was a career reinvention, which suggested that each of her subsequent albums might also be career reinventions. Psych! It turns out that, actually, this was just what her whole solo career was going to sound like. Singles aside, Heaven On Earth is like a Celine Dion album without the balls. Just listen to these song titles: "World Without You." "Fool For Love." "Love Never Dies." Oh love can die all right - die from boredom. I mean, Belinda always brings the vocal fire, but there's only so much one can do with boilerplate adult contemporary craft. I wouldn't even call the album tracks on Heaven on Earth "failed experiments" or "awkward ideas gone awry." They're just achingly, screamingly ... competent. It's Rick Nowels living out his ultimate Robert John "Mutt" Lange fantasy. At least "Nobody Owns Me" (recalling Lesley Gore's "You Don't Own Me"?) has some roaring, vaguely rebellious verve, and a bratty "no-no-no" refrain lifted from Dylan's "It Ain't Me Babe" (!); perhaps it could have been a Go-Go's track in another life? Anyway. That's all I have to say about that.]
Here's how half-assed the record label's push for "I Feel Free" was: instead of bothering to film a proper video for the single, they simply slapped together some live footage from the Good Heavens! '88 concert video, complete with grainy, gimmicky post-production effects, and put that out instead.
Wait, you mean I haven't told you about the Good Heavens! '88 concert video? It's her best straight-to-video concert movie since Live at the Roxy '86 - hands down. Here we find Belinda in her Jessica Rabbit phase, holding the audience at Philadelphia's Tower Theater in complete and utter rapture. Her high socks emit that "sexy Thanksgiving pilgrim" vibe, and her hands appear to be covered with ... striped socks? Let's call this her "Dr. Seuss" look. Horton Hears a Hottie. The set list contains every track from Heaven on Earth minus three, plus "Mad About You," and five majestically tame versions of Go-Go's chestnuts. She apparently managed to hire Bono as her lead guitarist for the tour, complete with leather vest and ponytail (he somehow grew a few inches as well), and ... wait a second ... is that the same keyboard player from Billy Idol's "Mony Mony" video? Guess Billy groped her one time too many and she finally switched teams. Also, if you're not paying enough attention, you might see the brunette and blonde back-up singers and think you're watching Jane and Charlotte rather than Donna DeLory and Bekka Bramlett. Coincidence? I think not. And whose idea was the Spinal Tap reference? (Odds that Belinda was in on this joke: 6.8/10.) YouTube comment highlights:
love the hair-tossing B...
I was always disappointed that I could never do enough coke for Belinda to be interested in me.
Santa. I've been a good boy. Please send me a collection of Belinda Carlisle's greatest hits on CD and Blue Ray videos of her concerts.
GREAT singing. RIP to the zebra that was killed just so she could wear those gloves and blouse, though...
A shame the Hamburglar had to die for her outfit, but well worth it. ;)
sweet cream in an ice cream sandwich! she was smoking hot!
The California Girl if there ever was one. Her Ann Margaret phase. She pulled it off and then some. Just a beautiful lady and man, did she dress modestly. When you have true talent and natural beauty, you don't have to let it all hang out.
And there are Madonna fans who claim Belinda is as worst a live singer as Madonna is. LOL, as if Madonna could pull this off. And I'm a fan of both!!
When I die.I want to come back as her gynecologist.
are people really makin fun of fuckin belinda carlisle. Really??????? wow! One of the greatest!
Years ago I noticed one particular comment beneath the "I Feel Free" video: "Thumbs up if you're here because you read American Psycho." Notably, the comment garnered no thumbs up, but it certainly piqued my curiosity. Belinda's Yuppie-tastic version of "I Feel Free" is exactly the kind of spotless late '80s multimedia conglomerate product that Patrick Bateman would have smeared all over his deceivingly handsome face. Sure enough, when Bateman enters an empty club on Page 79, he provides the following description:
"New Sensation" becomes "The Devil Inside" and the music is full blast but it feels less loud because there isn't a crowd reacting to it, and the dance floor looks vast when empty. I move away from the bar and decide to check out the club's other areas, expecting Patricia to follow but she doesn't. No one guards the stairs that lead to the basement and as I step down them the music from upstairs changes, melds itself into Belinda Carlisle singing "I Feel Free." The basement has one couple in it who look like Sam and Ilene Sanford but it's darker down here, warmer, and I could be wrong. I move past them as they stand by the bar drinking champagne and head over toward this extremely well-dressed Mexican-looking guy sitting on a couch. He's wearing a double-breasted wool jacket and matching trousers by Mario Valentino, a cotton T-shirt by Agnes B. and leather slip-ons (no socks) by Susan Bennis Warren Edwards, and he's with a good-looking muscular Eurotrash chick - dirty blonde, big tits, tan, no makeup, smoking Merit Ultra Lights - who has on a cotton gown with a zebra print by Patrick Kelly and silk and rhinestone high-heeled pumps.Yesssss. Bret, Bret, oh Bret. Be still my '80s blogger heart. Belinda's version of "I Feel Free" might have flopped everywhere else, but in Patrick Bateman's world, at least, it was a unequivocal smash.
No comments:
Post a Comment