Bad Boys: What ARE You Gonna Do?

Every now and then I'll be flipping through the channels during dinner and I'll catch the opening of Cops. Doing so recently, it really struck me that the theme for Cops has to be one of the most well-chosen TV theme tunes in TV history. It establishes the perfect tone for the show. Instead of going with, say, some generic big-budget, studio-produced, saxophone-laden orchestral music, which might have made the show seem too over-the-top or melodramatic, they went with a sleazy late 80s reggae tune, which makes the show seem a bit less threatening, and a little more...silly. Rather than coming off like corrupt authoritarian assholes, the cops now come off more like bleary-eyed civil service workers just trying to do their job so they can go home and take a shower, and instead of seeming like menacing dangers to society, the criminals come off more like rambunctious childen who simply can't help misbehaving. It's like, "Bad Boys: what are you gonna do?" The music gives the show a more relaxed quality, a grittier quality. It's the kind of music that the show's unwitting victims might plausibly be listening to while the cops bust through their front door. It sort of says, "Here we are, in the streets, for real." Or alternately, "Being a cop is no glamorous Hollywood job; it's more like a sleazy reggae song." I never really watched the show, even as a kid, because I always just sort of figured, "Hey, it's none of my business." You know, let the cops do their job, give the criminals their privacy, I don't need to see it. The premise was a little too voyeuristic for me.

Nevertheless, given the magic of the internet, I have downloaded "Bad Boys," which I've discovered is performed by the reggae group Inner Circle. Let's just state the obvious: this song is awesome. I rarely listen to reggae, for reasons too numerous to mention here, but one of them is that it's often too mellow and not funky enough. But "Bad Boys" is just a pure slice of unstoppable groove. The best part of the song, as the show's producers duly noted, is the opening. It sounds more like the fade-out than the opening. It's like the band was too laid-back to actually start off with the groove; instead they sort of had to lazily work their way up toward the groove. The rhythm just sort of tumbles into place after a few bars - maybe like the sound of someone revving up the engine of a '76 Camaro, if you will. The singer does a terrific job of sliding on into it with some soulful grunts and hollers. He starts off with a solid "Huuh!" then pauses for a few bars of steel drum rattling before bringing it on with an initial "Bad Boys!" (pronounced more like "Bed Boys") and a nice "Whatcha want, whatcha want, whatcha gonna do-eh..." The beat comes in under the second "whatcha want," right where you can totally feel it. But oh no, he's not done: "...when Sheriff John Brown come for you." You know, Sheriff John Brown, from "I Shot The Sheriff"? They're in the reggae zone, man. We get a little bit of ghostly synthesizer riffing for a few more bars, then he comes back with a gutteral "Tell Me!" followed by "Whatcha wanna do? Whatcha gonna doo-woo" and slams it on home with a final, nasty "Kh-yeah-hea." This '76 Camaro is humming along like a beauty. And by that time we're finally ready for the chorus.

I don't think I need to sing it for you.