Sadly Not That Kind Of Collapse

Don't tell me I'm the only one who clicked on MSN and saw the headline "Icelandic Government Collapses," followed by the word "Video," and thought, "Oh my God, how many people were crushed to death by massive sheets of ice in the ensuing destruction?" After only a couple of moments I realized, "Oh...they meant the collapse of the governmental coalition, not the collapse of an actual building. Oops, my bad." Honestly, I was expecting to see video footage of Icelandic politicians dodging humongous crystal slabs a la Marlon Brando in the first Superman. Otherwise, what kind of footage was it really going to be? Just some guy in a suit talking policy? Lame.

Dole Recalls Bagged Salad

So I'm looking on the MSN home page and I see a headline that says, "Dole Recalls Bagged Salad." And all I'm thinking is, "Who the hell gives a shit what Bob Dole has to say about bagged salad?" Of course, a few moments later, I realized the creative lengths to which my mind had roamed. And yet, I still couldn't help but envision such an article in my head. Come on, it doesn't take much:

"It was back in '73, when I had the most delicious bagged salad you've ever had, let me tell you, at a convenience store in Amarillo. Whoa nelly, you couldn't beat it. Almost as good as the one I had that time back in '57, when I was stranded at a Wendy's in Osh Kosh with my sister."