"Money For Nothing" And Your MTV Promotion For Free

Irony. Satire. Playing a "character." Quite common and acceptable tricks in the world of, say, classic theater, or modern television comedy. But, as Billy Joel ("It's Still Rock And Roll To Me") and Huey Lewis ("Hip To Be Square") had both discovered beforehand, Mark Knopfler learned the hard way that, in the world of Yuppie Rock, it's another matter entirely. From Wikipedia:

According to Knopfler, he was in New York and stopped by an appliance store. At the back of the store, they had a wall of TVs which were all tuned to MTV. Knopfler said there was a man working there dressed in a baseball cap, work boots, and a checkered shirt delivering boxes who was standing next to him watching. As they were standing there watching MTV, Knopfler remembers the man coming up with lines such as "what are those, Hawaiian noises?...that ain't workin'," etc. Knopfler asked for a pen to write some of these lines down and then eventually put those words to music.

"The lead character in 'Money for Nothing' is a guy who works in the hardware department in a television/​custom kitchen/​refrigerator/​microwave appliance store. He's singing the song. I wrote the song when I was actually in the store. I borrowed a bit of paper and started to write the song down in the store. I wanted to use a lot of the language that the real guy actually used when I heard him, because it was more real..."

Little did that anonymous department store employee know, but one of those "yo-yos" getting his "money for nothing" and his "chicks for free" was standing right there next to him, witnessing his entire impromptu treatise. I can just see Knopfler now, hunched over an unused washer-dryer, jotting every stray comment down as fast as he could. "'Like a chimpanzee'? 'Maybe get a blister'? This is gold, I tell you, pure gold!!"

Now look at them yo-yo's, that's the way you do it
You play the guitar on the MTV
That ain't workin', that's the way you do it
Money for nothin' and your chicks for free

Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya, them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb

With those long, droning keyboard chords, the song may start out sounding like "Shine On You Crazy Diamond," but by the time the digitally souped-up drums kick in, it morphs into something more along the lines of ... Momentary Lapse Of Reason? Speaking of Dire Straits' British Yuppie peers, somehow one Gordon Sumner, AKA Sting, got roped into the shenanigans:

Sting was visiting Montserrat during the recording of the song, and was invited to add some background vocals. Sting has stated that his only compositional contribution was the "I want my MTV" line, which followed the melody from his song "Don't Stand So Close To Me."

Nonetheless, Sting's agent, or record company, or publicist, or somebody with a finger in the pie, insisted that Sting receive co-writing credit or else the song wouldn't be released. Talk about literally getting your money for nothing. I mean, at least Knopfler paid his dues with some blisters on his thumb. (Side note: I love that Sting just "happened" to be visiting Montserrat, you know, like Stings are prone to be doing every now and then.)

Initially, I had the four minute single edit of "Money For Nothing" on a mix tape and I thought it was so unfathomably awesome, and then one day I heard the eight minute version on classic rock radio and I said to myself, "Oh. My. God. Somehow, someway, I have got to get the long version. That shorter version ...eeeeuuuch!" That version was so yesterday's news. That version was for poseurs. The real Dire Straits fans out there only dealt with the long version. You know why I thought the longer version was better? Because it was longer.

One day, when I was a much older man, it dawned on me that the long version was just kind of ... long. The catch is that, with Dire Straits songs, the length tended to give Knopfler room to toss out his sharp, precise, ultra-tasty licks. But what if Knopfler had suddenly decided to substitute his trademark sound for something he found in, I don't know, Stevie Ray Vaughn's dumpster?:

Knopfler modeled his guitar sound on the recorded track after ZZ Top guitarist Billy Gibbons' trademark guitar tone, as ZZ Top's music videos were already a staple of early MTV. Gibbons later told a Musician magazine interviewer in 1986 that Knopfler had solicited Gibbons' help in replicating the tone, adding, "He didn't do a half-bad job, considering that I didn't tell him a thing!"

So what we have here is a really long Dire Straits song ... where the guitar doesn't even sound that great! Eight minutes? Tell you what: You can play "Money for Nothing," while I'll just go into my room, listen to "Tunnel Of Love," and come back out when it's over.

Oh yeah, there's also this lyric:

The little faggot with the earring and the makeup
Yeah buddy, that's his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot, he's a millionaire

Yep, he just whipped out the "F" word. I have to say, back in the mid '90s, when I got into Brothers In Arms, usage of the word "faggot" was a great deal more ... casual than it is now, particularly amongst my fellow teenage males. So I can only image how casual it was in the mid '80s. Of course, Knopfler wasn't really calling anyone a faggot; the character in the song was calling someone a faggot. Nevertheless, Canadians don't take too kindly to that sort of thing. From Wikipedia:

In January 2011, the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (CBSC) ruled that the unedited version of the song was unacceptable for air play on private Canadian radio stations, as it breached the Canadian Association of Broadcasters' (CAB) Code of Ethics and their Equitable Portrayal Code. The CBSC concluded that "like other racially driven words in the English language, 'faggot' is one that, even if entirely or marginally acceptable in earlier days, is no longer so." The CBSC's proceedings came in response to a radio listener's Ruling Request stemming from a playing of the song by CHOZ-FM in St. John's Newfoundland and Labrador, which in turn followed the radio listener's dissatisfaction with the radio station's reply to their complaint about a gay slur in the lyrics ... On 31 August, the CBSC reiterated that it found the slur to be inappropriate; however, because of considerations in regard to its use in context, the CBSC has left it up to the stations to decide whether to play the original or edited versions of the song. Most of the CBSC panelists thought the slur was inappropriate, but it was used only in a satirical, non-hateful manner.

God damn Newfoundlanders, always bitching about something! I, as well as many others, do no personally find the usage offensive, but I have to say that such lyrics would probably not be able to fly today. Then again, look at Eminem! Here are some of Knopfler's thoughts:

Apart from the fact that there are stupid gay people as well as stupid other people, it suggests that maybe you can't let it have so many meanings – you have to be direct. In fact, I'm still in two minds as to whether it's a good idea to write songs that aren't in the first person, to take on other characters. The singer in "Money for Nothing" is a real ignoramus, hard hat mentality – somebody who sees everything in financial terms. I mean, this guy has a grudging respect for rock stars. He sees it in terms of, well, that's not working and yet the guy's rich: that's a good scam. He isn't sneering.

I'll tell you one group that definitely wasn't offended: MTV. I can just see the roomful of gel-clad executives hearing the acetate now: "Boys, I think we just found our new theme song." There was just one problem: Knopfler hated music videos:

Originally, Mark Knopfler was not at all enthusiastic about the concept of the music video. MTV, however, was insistent on it. Director Steve Barron, of Rushes Postproduction in London, was contacted by Warner Bros. to persuade Knopfler to relent. Describing the contrasting attitudes of Knopfler and MTV, he said:

"The problem was that Mark Knopfler was very anti-videos. All he wanted to do was perform, and he thought that videos would destroy the purity of songwriters and performers. They said, 'Can you convince him that this is the right thing to do, because we've played this song to MTV and they think it's fantastic but they won't play it if it's him standing there playing guitar. They need a concept.'"

Barron then flew to Budapest to convince Knopfler of their concept. Meeting together after a gig, Knopfler was reportedly still unimpressed, but this time his girlfriend was present and took a hand. According to Barron:

"Luckily, his girlfriend said, 'He's absolutely right. There aren't enough interesting videos on MTV, and that sounds like a brilliant idea.' Mark didn't say anything but he didn't make the call to get me out of Budapest. We just went ahead and did it."

This was clearly in the days before the "Yes Means Yes" movement. It's like one of those Woodward/Bernstein confidential source tricks: "I'm going to say a name, and if you don't say anything for ten seconds, then that means you confirm." Let's hear it for Mark Knopfler's girlfriend I guess. (Side note: doesn't Get Me Out Of Budapest sound like a great Dan Ackroyd/John Candy buddy comedy?)

And so, "Money For Nothing" became Dire Strait's first and only US #1 hit. The funny part is, at the time, this video must have seemed incredibly state-of-the-art and groundbreaking, but now ... I dunno. Most people's car dashboards probably have better graphics than this.