Saturday, January 15, 2011

Top Cop Swaps Shops

I'm an Examiner man. True, it's a borderline tabloid, and hilariously conservative for a San Francisco paper - but it's free. My lunchtime custom is to grab the Examiner, hop into a restaurant, and read about how horrible and disgusting Obama is while I enjoy my meal. I used to occasionally grab a copy of the Bay Guardian or SF Weekly, but I eventually realized that I preferred conservative outrage over liberal outrage - maybe because I feel like liberals should know better.

At any rate, I hope somebody at the Examiner is getting paid the big bucks, because they are the masters of snappy headlines. Case in point: apparently while on his way out, mayor Gavin Newsom needed to appoint a new district attorney, because our former district attorney, Kamala Harris, has been elected state attorney general. So Newsom called police chief George Gascon into his office to discuss the possibilities. Suddenly Newsom asked Gascon if perhaps he himself would be interested in the position. Lo and behold, a couple of hours later, Gascon was the new district attorney. The next day, the Examiner headline read as follows:

"Top Cop Swaps Shops"

Bravo, boys, bravo. I am reminded of the headline the Onion came up with when Jerry Garcia died: "Head Deadhead Dead." Of course, even though it's not free, the Chronicle does have its moments. The day after the Giants' victory parade, they featured a picture of the crowd and, in reference to first baseman Aubrey Huff's lucky rally throng, this caption:

"From Rally Thong To Rallying Throng"