An Amusement That Is Truly For The Birds

So the other day I'm on my lunch break, making my way towards a fine eating establishment (Chevy's), and I'm waiting at a traffic light. A man stands behind me, chuckles to himself, and then walks off. OK, that's cool, I sometimes chuckle to myself out loud in public every now and then. As I'm waiting for the light to change, I notice a larger-than-usual crowd standing on the corner directly diagonal from me. This crowd appears to be looking across the street, toward the block I am about to walk past, but I see nothing unusual myself so I ignore this information.

The light changes and I walk down this block. There isn't anyone else walking near me, but I think nothing of this. Suddenly, I feel a couple of brief stings on my head. Is someone dropping something onto me from above? The crowd across the street, as well as a smaller crowd right in front of me, bursts into laughter. I turn around and see a bird flying away. So apparently I have been pecked on the head by a bird. Ha ha. Very funny.

A slightly homeless-looking black man with a cane seems to be willing to explain to me what's going on. "There's a blackbird's nest right over there, they been attacking everybody who's walkin' by!"

"It was a bird?"

"There's a whole bunch of birds! They been attacking everybody who's walkin' by for three weeks!"

"So I'm not the only one who's been attacked?"

"Naw, there's people walkin' by all the time!"

So. This is what humanity has come to. People standing around on a street corner during their lunch breaks, laughing at people who are unwittingly being attacked by birds. Had anyone thought of calling a city service so that, you know, people would stop being attacked by birds? Had anyone thought to say, "Wait! Don't walk over there, birds will attack you?" Apparently that would have been expecting too much of our species. Instead, the office conversation on that block must go something like this: "Hey Frank, you wanna come down and laugh at people walking by that bird's nest?" "Sure Bill, just a minute."

Not finding this the most hysterical thing ever, though, I walk on. The homeless man starts shouting at me. "Hey sir, how 'bout a quarter? I did you a favor sir, explained to you what was goin' on, ain't that worth a quarter? Sir! Sir!"

So let me get this straight: not only are people standing around laughing at other people getting pecked on the head by birds, but there's a homeless guy who has concocted his own little "racket" where he stands around amongst the crowd that is watching people get pecked by birds, and then he pretends to care about the victims by explaining to these people why everybody's laughing, and then he asks for compensation for his "services"?

Well, my friends. I thought I had seen them all, but that is really a new one.