Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Meesa Not Giving George Lucas My Hard-Earned Money

Raise your hands if you're rushing out to your local multiplex to catch Star Wars: The Clone Wars before it heads straight to the DVD bargain bin. Yeah that's what I thought. I mean, after closing out the prequels on a high note with Revenge Of The Sith (which I enjoyed a great deal), ol' Georgie boy turns right around and releases...the Star Wars movie nobody was waiting for. Yousa thinking yousa people ganna stop encouraging the man by showing up and paying for this crap? Some geeks never learn.

Two favorite reviews. Jeremy Wheeler on the Allmovie Blog:

The Star Wars theatrical experience gets a sloppy kick in the ribs with the arrival of Star Wars: The Clone Wars – a sub-par 3-episode arch from Lucasfilm’s upcoming lackluster animated series of the same name. Undeservedly pushed to the big screen to cash in a quick buck, the computer generated kiddie flick is exactly what fandom has been dreading and the youngest of their kin are sure to eat up – an annoying and utterly boring version of the prequel universe, all presented with an idiot panache that only an 8-year old could appreciate. Make no mistake; this is a far cry from the vibrant and exciting days of Samurai Jack creator Genndy Tartakovsky’s time with the material. This take on The Clone Wars adapts more of a WB Kids attitude as it relays the untold days of Anakin Skywalker’s obnoxious preteen padawan, as bland politics force ridiculous plotlines such as the Jedi’s helping Jabba the Hutt find his farting tadpole kid, Stinky. Yes, it has really come to that.

And Ebert:

This is the first feature-length animated Star Wars movie, but instead of pushing the state of the art, it's retro. You'd think the great animated films of recent years had never been made. The characters have hair that looks molded from Play-Doh, bodies that seem arthritic, and moving lips on half-frozen faces -- all signs that shortcuts were taken in the animation work.

You know you're in trouble when the most interesting new character is Jabba the Hutt's uncle. The big revelation is that Jabba has an infant to be kidnapped. The big discovery is that Hutts look like that when born, only smaller. The question is, who is Jabba's wife? The puzzle is, how do Hutts copulate? Like snails, I speculate. If you don't know how snails do it, let's not even go there. The last thing this movie needs is a Jabba the Hutt sex scene.


Herr Zrbo said...

There's so much to criticize here I'm not sure it's even worth my time.

The art style looks terrible. The characters all look like they have bobble-heads, like they should be sitting on the dashboard of my car. Like Ebert said, hair molded from Play-Doh.

The animated series of a few years ago is actually pretty good. Nothing absolutely groundbreaking, but definitely better than Episodes 1+2.

And, pardon the fanboy nitpicking here, the timeline of this movie puzzles me too. The period covered in the animated series was between Episodes 2 and 3, which is when this new movie is supposed to take place (I think). I don't know how they can get away with that, as the animated series literally ends right where Episode 3 picks up, with Obi-wan and Anakin getting in their jetfighters and flying off to the battle which opens Episode 3. Anakin didn't have a 'padawan' or anything silly like that.

George, give us a break already!

yoggoth said...

George Lucas is fucking with us!