Huge '80s Hits That I Don't Actually Remember Hearing In The '80s

Many is the time I have posted my eloquent observations on a classic '80s song, expecting the world to shout in wonderment and exclaim "Thank you, Little Earl, for your incomparable, inimitable analysis," only to see a comment stating something to the effect of "OMG! LOL! I can't believe you'd never heard that song before!" So in honor of my recently discarded '80s pop ignorance, I thought I would provide Herr Zrbo with that cheap sense of superiority he so desperately craves (and needs), and inaugurate a series I would like to call "Huge '80s Hits That I Don't Actually Remember Hearing In The '80s."

When I hear a song from the '80s that I heard in the '80s, I know it. It's an instinctive feeling. An '80s song is like a cherry blossom in summertime, or a child's laughter, or the cold morning breeze. Sometimes I can call to mind a specific memory of listening to the song. Sometimes there is no specific memory, rather only a vague sensation. But I can sense it in the core of my being. I heard this song in my childhood. I don't know precisely when, or precisely how, but I do know that I heard it. Music can be funny like that.

It is very possible that some of the songs in this series are songs that I did truly hear in the '80s. But I don't remember hearing them in the '80s, and that's all that matters here. Maybe the radio stations in the Bay Area didn't play these particular songs very often. Maybe they were bigger hits elsewhere. Maybe my parents didn't like these songs and always changed the station whenever they came on. This may explain why I don't remember hearing much hair metal, or synth pop, or a single Prince song.

At some point - maybe high school, maybe college - I would be hanging out with friends, reminiscing over '80s songs. Most of the songs I knew, and some I even remembered better than my friends did. But then there would be certain songs where they would all say, "Oh man, who remembers this song?" Maybe it was "Hungry Like The Wolf." Possibly "Our Lips Are Sealed." Could have been "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" Let's call it the Tomb of the Unknown '80s Mega Hit. And everyone was supposed to laugh at the awkward residue of our shared cultural heritage. But I honestly may not have ... remembered it.

The shame burned deep inside me. I laughed and smiled just like everyone else, pretending I understood. But I said nothing.

I thought those days were long over - until a couple of years ago. As I attempted to explain to Zrbo earlier, there is a difference between a huge '80s hit I don't remember hearing in the '80s but ended up hearing at some point in the '90s, and a huge '80s hit I don't remember hearing until my recent obsession with '80s music began. I thought of splitting these songs up into two different series, but in the end I am going to lump them all together. Ignorance is ignorance. Why split hairs?

I know what I am going to get. Someone, and I am not saying who, is going to leave comments such as, "You mean to tell me that you'd never heard ____?? I heard that song all the time!! I can't believe your ignorance of '80s music runs that deep, WTF, LOL!"

Well not anymore, my friends. Not anymore.