Belinda Carlisle Was Attractive

That's Belinda Carlisle?

No, seriously, that's Belinda Carlisle?

Come on, stop joking around, show me a picture of Belinda Carlisle.

Really?

No, not Miss America 1986, I said a picture of Belinda Carlisle. You know, former Germs member Belinda Carlisle?

Holy Moley.

I'd heard things here and there. I remember when my brother went to a Go-Go's reunion show in Golden Gate Park about ten years ago, and I asked him over the phone how it was. The first thing he said was, "You know, Belinda Carlisle, I have to say, she's still looking pretty good." But my brother tended to be rather horny in those days and he was attracted to just about anything that moved.

I also remember when Carlisle posed for Playboy right around the same time. But men who grew up in the '80s, I felt, seemed to retain a fondness for girls of their pop culture youth whether they were all that attractive or not. I dismissed their enthusiasm for nude Belinda Carlisle photos as simply misplaced nostalgia.

But now, after having seriously listened to the Go-Go's and Carlisle's solo material, and having been amused by her secret punk rock history, I started taking a good look at her music videos on YouTube. And another good look. And another.

Oh. My. God.

Ladies and gentlemen, I had finally found her:

My '80s Dream Woman.

Let's face it. Most girls who were considered "hot" in the '80s, when you actually look at them now, look kind of ridiculous and, frankly, not all that hot. But Belinda Carlisle in the '80s still looks pretty good. Like, in 2012.

I mean, when people talk about a hot female singer from the '80s they probably think of Madonna. Here's Madonna, circa 1986, in the "Papa Don't Preach" video:



Now, here's Belinda Carlisle, circa 1986, in the infamous "Mad About You" video:



Yeah. Oh yeah.

I mean sure, Madonna had a certain sex appeal and great fashion sense. But Belinda Carlisle was ... pretty. You might want to have sex with Madonna, but you would have a crush on Belinda Carlisle.

Oh, and did I mention the former depraved punk rocker thing? You see, most female singers who are attractive are also rather boring and shallow. Imagine if one of these singers also happened to be intelligent, complex, zany, and knowledgeable about the musical culture around her?

Guys, I think I'd hit the jackpot.

And you'd think all the drugs she ingested would have shown up at some point and made her look shittier, but it seems like it was the other way around. She must have struck some sort of weird Faustian bargain: the more drugs she took, the better looking she got.

So add it all together: the former punk career, the surprising fondness for coke, the looks of a homecoming queen - I was left to draw only one final conclusion ...