Sunday, September 7, 2008

New Pedophiles On The Block

Ladies and gentlemen: the album the world has been waiting for! According to AMG's Stephen Thomas Erlewine, New Kids On The Block's comeback effort The Block "sounds nothing like the New Kids, nor does it feel like them, either: this is grim, joyless mechanical music, only made uglier by the group's sunny past, as it plays like those cheerful kids grew up to be the dirtiest of old men." Try these song titles on for size: "Big Girl Now," "Put It On My Tab," "Stare At You." Mmm mmm mmm. And don't forget "Click Click Click" and "Lights, Camera, Action," which, Erlewine writes, "both enthusiastically celebrate homegrown pornography." And who could fail to be drawn in by the "brittle, skittish rhythms" that contain "no hook in earshot"? Oh baby. Nothing gets me going like five over-the hill teen idols shamelessly hitting on my daughter.

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