tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161694830669099204.post6939791563164282510..comments2024-03-17T18:53:56.416-07:00Comments on Cosmic American Blog: You So Crazyyoggothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00233852251148460524noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161694830669099204.post-66301218565273003002009-04-17T06:06:00.000-07:002009-04-17T06:06:00.000-07:00There is the element of isolation IN the relations...There is the element of isolation IN the relationship as well. Most abusive partners don't beat you up on the first date, and during the period where everything is fine, they find myriad ways to make a life that excludes everyone else. When it's happening, it feels great - not only is this someone who wants to be with you, but someone that loves you so much they want to spend every minute with you and you alone. And then, when the abuse starts there is no obvious place to turn since you've removed yourself from your closest contacts. <br /><br />One last observance: abuse usually escalates. When you've had a good six months and your boyfriend punches a wall about a petty jealousy, there may be some screaming but at this point you may not be thinking of it as abuse. It takes something really drastic for people to recognize aggression and controlling behavior is deeply connected to physical violence. If you've already been putting up with the screaming and verbal abuse for awhile though, you are conditioned to take whatever else may come.Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161694830669099204.post-63682930743590225922009-04-14T21:09:00.000-07:002009-04-14T21:09:00.000-07:00This is a topic of constant discussion in the crim...This is a topic of constant discussion in the criminal justice world. It seems surprising at first that one of the major impediments to prosecuting domestic violence cases is getting the victim to cooperate with law enforcement. But it's not completely counterintuitive if you think about it. The victims love the victimizers. To paraphrase your analysis, people hate to be alone. Isolation even drives us insane when pushed to extremes. <br /><br />Not to belittle the abuse, but I'm reminded of the "codependent" self-help craze that was popular in the 90's. I remember hearing the critique of codependence and thinking, "that sounds like every relationship I know about!" This is the extreme end of that scale. <br /><br />Now the cynical part - some of these people don't exactly have amazing alternatives. They often are surrounded by poor role models and witness abuse of loved ones from a young age. There may be a better guy out there for some, but then again, maybe there isn't. Maybe the alternative really is to be alone, at least for a while. Alone and possibly without economic support. We, as slaves to biology, react strongly against that possibility.yoggothhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00233852251148460524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161694830669099204.post-67611333739573852792009-04-14T19:49:00.000-07:002009-04-14T19:49:00.000-07:00Hey Ninquelote, nice you see you posting again (an...Hey Ninquelote, nice you see you posting again (and not about politics - just kidding). I read the same Slate article and thought the book seemed bizarre was well.<br /><br />Unfortunately I have no opinion on/experience with this topic. If anything I may have the opposite problem.Little Earlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03415022026000282965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-161694830669099204.post-91758340602218670092009-04-14T16:59:00.000-07:002009-04-14T16:59:00.000-07:00I think I pretty much agree with you. I think the...I think I pretty much agree with you. I think the 'trouble' of having to break up with the abusive boyfriend, and the fear of the reaction he might have, plus the prospect of having to find a new support base (home, circle of friends, etc.) seems like too much.<br /><br />The women don't realize that there's a better guy out there, it's very easy to just 'stay the course'.Herr Zrbohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15728690738360128504noreply@blogger.com